https://www.laurelmclay.com/events daily 0.75 2013-04-01 https://www.laurelmclay.com/events/j195tci72i59zwvgc2f5x3nbbnl238 monthly 0.5 2013-04-01 https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog daily 0.75 2018-02-18 https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2018/2/19/loneliness-and-the-danger-of-bffs monthly 0.5 2018-02-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1518985233340-HAJIWOD2SM21S7LO7SCD/Friends.jpg Blog - Loneliness and the danger of BFFs https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/11/2/the-feeling-that-we-are-accepted-and-that-we-belong monthly 0.5 2017-11-02 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1509582611119-1LGQC1CIW7JSFZGPYLKT/Blog+2+Nov+-+Grace+Hopper+Image.PNG Blog - The feeling that we are accepted and that we belong https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/9/18/wasbands-and-werewives-a-new-form-of-marriage monthly 0.5 2017-09-17 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1505692326465-YWZ4UZBWMBWMZ4333Y4L/Blog+-+Wasband+-+Sep+2017.jpg Blog - Wasbands and Werewives - a new form of marriage https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/8/25/unapologetic-weight-gain monthly 0.5 2017-08-25 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1503638165732-HUXR54JTCWO9EV9UZWCO/Unapologetic+Weight+Gain.jpg Blog - Unapologetic Weight Gain https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/8/10/turning-50-and-celebrating-financial-failures monthly 0.5 2017-08-10 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1502322893101-428ZDT1I26KC5QF4KS9J/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Turning 50 and Celebrating Financial Failures https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/7/10/why-its-now-almost-the-norm-for-people-not-to-return-calls-or-respond-to-emails monthly 0.5 2017-07-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1499643416372-96GS09J9BHV23CEJBBV6/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Why it’s now almost the norm for people not to return calls or respond to emails https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/6/15/getting-out-there-and-getting-known-my-book-on-this-is-attached monthly 0.5 2017-06-15 https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/5/24/getting-clear-about-your-unique-creation monthly 0.5 2017-05-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1495613886666-RVNU7XCJ8AK1VL4D1ZBG/image-asset.png Blog - Getting clear about your unique creation https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/5/3/whats-really-taking-up-your-energy-time-and-resources monthly 0.5 2017-05-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1493776911293-0RV826AD2AZR3U450TZX/image-asset.png Blog - What's really taking up your energy, time and resources? https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/4/24/are-you-unapologetically-or-apologetically-you-1 monthly 0.5 2017-04-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1492994365266-RFRVDAY7VKMGFVJL5SKV/image-asset.png Blog - Are you unapologetically or apologetically you? https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/3/31/putting-our-kids-through-needless-crap monthly 0.5 2017-03-30 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1490907597270-3C96TPGQ8LD0WCVQR1Y0/Elephant+cartoon.jpeg Blog - Putting our kids through needless crap! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1490907743558-V48DJ1MQD49T1IN0CC5O/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Putting our kids through needless crap! https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/3/3/has-your-best-place-to-work-become-a-boring-rigid-old-man monthly 0.5 2017-03-02 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1488485610953-AZ0AKD03OOXOYDYQ62OZ/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Has your 'best place to work' become a boring, rigid old man? https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/2/7/high-heeled-home-birthers-executive-protesters-and-luxury-minimalists monthly 0.5 2022-11-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1486422819072-GM50Y7IA27YVBETN3WR4/image-asset.jpeg Blog - High heeled home birthers, executive protesters and luxury minimalists https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2017/1/17/downgrading-my-delusional-vision-board monthly 0.5 2017-01-17 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1484630116889-BSD3OPAZ1JS7HR9BATSG/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Downgrading my delusional Vision Board https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/12/13/why-i-am-shunning-adrenalin-rides-and-half-marathons monthly 0.5 2016-12-13 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1481592141412-Z1YL4TK86S23IXWVWZFM/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Why I am shunning adrenalin rides and half marathons https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1481591649761-O5WB2LZBA3ETQD27BHU3/image-asset.png Blog - Why I am shunning adrenalin rides and half marathons https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1481591836858-IA0IUL88KL9PXCORS8OU/image-asset.png Blog - Why I am shunning adrenalin rides and half marathons https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/11/22/winging-it-or-work-of-art-the-pesky-spectrum-of-precision monthly 0.5 2016-11-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1479774166641-1QL3IMJ6OJS5U205SHA1/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Winging it or work of art – the pesky spectrum of precision https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/11/4/is-the-present-corporate-model-outdated-and-flawed monthly 0.5 2016-11-04 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1478219454894-BRLUYJNLG9CXWAT9RFGP/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Is the present ‘corporate model’ outdated and flawed? https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/10/21/hang-on-says-who-your-personal-invitation-to-labyou monthly 0.5 2016-10-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1476999748442-0B4IWSAEZCENE71ZQKYB/labYOU+final+blue+%28Clipped%29.PNG Blog - Hang on, says who?! Your personal invitation to LabYOU https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1476998968045-CD0VWJRETX5588TZDVC6/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Hang on, says who?! Your personal invitation to LabYOU https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1476999266832-643T8FAXAEDKI72FYHJN/LabYOU+Model+Edited.PNG Blog - Hang on, says who?! Your personal invitation to LabYOU https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/10/4/reducing-the-hours-i-work-an-experiment monthly 0.5 2016-10-04 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1475562079817-PABIT51PZUSOQTU43H8G/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Reducing the hours I work - an experiment https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/9/19/the-extraordinary-appeal-of-over-45s-and-why-i-want-to-coach-them monthly 0.5 2016-09-19 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1474256687351-GM449WLGSYX2GRM1XGMH/image-asset.jpeg Blog - The extraordinary appeal of over 45s (and why I want to coach them!) https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/8/12/the-divisive-habit-of-not-rinsing-dishes-after-they-have-been-washed monthly 0.5 2016-08-12 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1470965896204-OT66QVVEM55OLEQELIZG/rinsing+dishes.jpg Blog - The divisive habit of not rinsing dishes after they have been washed https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/6/29/collaboration-genius-the-nz-business-events-industry monthly 0.5 2016-06-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1467166251824-P3Z8SKU42IRH8Y24B7GE/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Collaboration Genius - The NZ Business Events Industry https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/6/8/stop-reading-boring-business-books-video-blog monthly 0.5 2016-06-07 https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/5/23/from-movie-trailer-to-award-winning-movie-maker-the-extraordinary-story-of-susan-parker monthly 0.5 2016-05-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1463994733683-VNKD2A4ZQLKRKMGBKLPE/image-asset.jpeg Blog - From movie trailer to award winning movie maker - The extraordinary story of Susan Parker https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/5/6/stomping-out-the-dogma-and-my-new-book-more-walk-less-talk monthly 0.5 2016-05-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1462489426809-1LOWABBSH6B7SDLO20WE/image-asset.png Blog - Stomping out the dogma (and my new book More Walk Less Talk) https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/4/28/what-on-earth-is-healing-and-we-arent-talking-about-whats-under-a-band-aid-here monthly 0.5 2016-04-28 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1461822240796-F5SZCQDI3OKIXYJABDKZ/image-asset.jpeg Blog - What on earth is healing (and we aren’t talking about what’s under a Band-Aid here) https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/3/24/some-exciting-and-scary-insights-about-our-future monthly 0.5 2016-03-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1458784282049-E05CDLM8T4JCMM8Z1IVT/image-asset.png Blog - Some exciting (and scary) insights about our future https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1458784435259-PB8XD738TN04B1BARRMP/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Some exciting (and scary) insights about our future https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/3/8/aucpiw21hzo3t2sw100ljj7p212omq monthly 0.5 2016-03-08 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1457399883471-QTE9CPFRZI9ZA1VVNI8G/unnamed.jpg Blog - Do you feel psychologically safe at work? https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/3/2/everythings-fine-and-other-delusions monthly 0.5 2016-03-02 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1456874106997-A04Y8W012LQWCFOK5L7K/image-asset.jpeg Blog - 'Everything's Fine!' and other delusions https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/2/9/how-i-saw-myself-being-a-right-cow-over-christmas monthly 0.5 2016-03-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1454985606529-EZIFIOCWWSCGJKTBGT8I/image-asset.jpeg Blog - How I saw myself being a right cow over Christmas https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2016/1/22/find-your-passion-get-stuffed monthly 0.5 2016-01-21 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1453418208987-X4MN8GA4A4397E84QBIC/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Find your passion get stuffed!   Happy New Year, and congratulations to those of you who are smart enough to take your break now, when most people are back on board, but there is still that sense of things not being back in full swing. A few months ago, I was lucky enough to hear the extraordinary Michael Henderson speak. He was sharing an experience he had a while back now, where he looked at his thought leadership, and realized that some of the stuff he had been sharing heartfully all these years, wasn’t necessarily his truth any more. It wasn’t that he had been ‘wrong’; it just kind of morphed into something quite different. At the time, I remember having a feeling that the same thing might happen to me, but wasn’t quite sure what that might be. A few nights ago, I decided to watch a talk by Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love fame (I have heard critiques of that book along the lines of bagging her as a privileged divorcee with first world problems; do yourself a favour and don’t write her off as a chick lit froth, her work is very profound). In it she shared something about herself that made me feel a bit uncomfortable, because it was something I felt I could too be guilty of…. That is… she realized she was a passion bully! It has definitely created a watershed moment for me around my own crusade and tambourine bashing. You know what am talking about (and I know there are a few of you out there who are the same); a passion bully goes around saying things like ‘Find your Passion!’, “Don’t tolerate a job where you don’t feel it is absolutely what you were born to do!” , ‘Find a job you love, and you will never have to ‘work’ another day of your life’!!! The thing about bullies like Elizabeth Gilbert and me, is that prattling on about this kind of stuff can make some people feel decidedly stink. Why? Because they haven’t ‘found their passion’, and more often than not, like the woman who wrote to her after attending one of her keynotes, it is not for lack of trying. They have been searching, they have been open to allowing the passion to enter their lives, but passion so far, hasn’t come knocking! Are you a jackhammer or a humming bird? Elizabeth cites a great metaphor, which is the jackhammer vs the humming bird. There are people on the planet who are jackhammers; they discover a passion, which is so intense, that they would work through nights on end, take financial risks and give up almost everything for it. The hummingbirds on the other hand, are driven by curiosity; they dart from here to there, try a bit of this, try a bit of that, gain some valuable lessons, but don’t necessarily find the flower that intoxicates them, and make all the other flowers pale in comparison (which is of course, a good thing!). What happened last time you were in a very passionate relationship? Neither is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’; they are just different paths. But Elizabeth asked a question, which I thought, was revealing; think about the last time you were in a massively passionate personal relationship with someone. How did that work out? More often than not, we become a bit of a crazy person, and start making decisions that don’t necessarily serve us, or those close to us. Of course that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t ‘follow our passion’, it just means like everything there are pluses and minuses to each, and neither is right or wrong. This isn’t the first time I have heard passion being questioned. The wise Mandy Beverley pointed out to me a couple of years ago that the word passion is actually derived from the Latin word ‘passio’, which means suffering or submission. Maybe it’s a bit like the discussion around healthy eating. One day it’s all about no fat, the next day it’s all about no carb, then the next it’s around no sugar. I will be interested to see how the conversations trend around passion, now that someone as influential as Elizabeth has ‘called’ it. To anyone who I have offended by ramming some version of passion bullying down your throats; I apologise. Celebrate your curious nature, think of the humming bird, and don’t feel like crap because you haven’t discovered something that you would be prepared to lose nights of sleep over! https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/12/17/oprah-and-skin-bags-of-hot-air monthly 0.5 2015-12-17 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1450323933132-MO9CXUPM6QZHPNAL9S1X/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Oprah and skin bags of hot air Last night, like so many others in Auckland, I attended ‘An Evening with Oprah’. The energy at the venue was palpable and Oprah masterfully guided the crowd into an extraordinarily evangelical frenzy at the end, screaming out ‘TAKE YOUR GLORY AND ROAR!!!’ To experience it was an absolute privilege and her generosity was outstanding; for two hours she shared vulnerably, powerfully and bringing all of herself to each moment.I also was part of the most natural standing ovation I have ever seen. She stopped, and everyone just stood up, no delay, no awkwardness. I could share so much of the gold today, but one particular insight of hers truly resonated with me. She said that after every interview she ever had, the same question was always asked, whether it was Barack, Beyonce or someone who had just shared their most tragic personal story…. "Was that ok?" She had rather a breakthrough based on that insight. Everyone is looking to be validated, and what they really want to say is ‘Did you hear me? Does what I say matter to you?’ And she then went on to share that this was particularly the case for arguments, and told a hilarious story about her preparing a goose for her husband Stedman who came late home from golf one day. The challenge with argument and conflict, is we make it all mean so much. We get caught up in entitlement, drama and significance and if we aren’t mindful about how we are communicating, the conflict can build and build to explosion point. It got me to thinking how so many arguments could be resolved, if each party simply felt that they had been heard and that what they thought mattered. My husband is very complimentary about my ability to turn any conflict in my life around to a positive. Sometimes with clients or prospects the way we handle their displeasure with something can actually cement the relationship to a deeper level, and I like to think I always commit to ensuring they feel heard, and thankfully have burnt very few bridges to date. But I learned a very clever process from a very wise woman around twelve years ago that has supported me to do that in an effective way, so I thought it was worthwhile sharing that today, in light of Oprah’s insight. When someone close to you is angry and vents, view them simply as a skin bag of hot air If we can detach ourselves from the emotion, but still listen to what they are saying, it creates a possibility for resolution. I have outlined my process step by step below, which makes this newsletter a little lengthier than usual. Feel free to read it, or not. Have a wonderful Christmas and new year break with your family. I am offline now for three weeks, and will also take a break from my weekly blogs (this is number 50 for the year!). Here’s to 2016 being your most illuminating yet! Cheers Laurel Here is what I do step by step. (1) Frame the conversation. State that you want to discuss and hopefully resolve the conflict and it is important to you that they feel heard. Invite them to share why they are so angry with them, and give them your word that you will not interrupt until they are finished. You might even wish to advise them you would like to take a couple of notes (seriously, this isgood idea :-)) Request that they get everything out into the open (I always find people are open to this, which isn’t surprising, because you are giving them an opportunity to be heard). (2) Listen to what they say! But instead of ‘going anywhere’ with their accusations, their stories and the potentially hurtful stuff that they are saying, just visualize them as a skin bag of hot air, slowing deflating with every word. If there is a lot for them to share, or you think you won’t remember, then jot down the key points – what they are saying, not your interpretation. I know it sounds tricky, but if you can just focus on the words, and not make meaning out of it, then it’s surprisingly easy. Sometimes, if I am struggling with that, I just think of the words coming out as ‘’bla bla bla’ – not out of disrespect, but to disassociate myself from the drama (and you will be able to review the actual content/meaning later on) (3) When it seems that they have finished, gently say ‘got it, thanks so much. Was there anything else?’ You know how when you are deflating an airbed, and you sometimes have to stomp out some of that last remaining air? Think of the skinbag in front of you like that. There is often other underlying stuff that they won’t automatically share, but if you keep asking, then those last words of hot air will escape. I find this exercise quite transformational, in that I feel that I can literally see them deflating in front of me! The charge just disappears. Why? Because they feel like they are being heard. (4) When you are sure that they have got all of it out, then thank them again, and tell them you really appreciate them sharing so openly. Then ask if you can confirm with them exactly how they feel, so that you can be sure you haven’t misinterpreted something. This is why the notes can be so helpful, especially if the comments are quite heated. Again, I do think framing helps, so say something like ‘so you feel that I am disrespecting you because I (a), (b) and (c) and that I never (d), am completely (e) and (f) and it was unbelievable when I (g)ed. You get the picture! Look for acknowledgement from them that you have captured and relayed it fully. There is of course the chance that your tone or choice of words (if you don’t read it back verbatim) will get you into trouble; if that happens, then apologise, and reframe without the emotion. So what happens next? You know, I don’t think it actually matters! The fact is that you have given them the chance to feel heard, and the conflict will hopefully have cooled off a bit. You do have right of reply, but sometimes I think that is a good idea to schedule for a later time. Do have a look at what they have said, remember it is their truth, not the truth, but there might be some learnings for you. When you do want to communicate with them, ask them to afford the same courtesy you gave them, ie not interrupting, and be careful not to slip into a defensive or justifying style. This has saved me loads of potential grief a number of times in the last decade. Take a risk, give it a go, and I trust you will find the same. https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/12/10/meditation-and-yoga-why-it-really-is-worth-making-it-a-daily-thing monthly 0.5 2015-12-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1449702969053-V4E9OV89WGX8QKDQ14JM/12-10.jpg Blog - Meditation and yoga – why it (really is!) worth making it a daily thing   I think it’s amazing how much more often I am hearing people rave about meditation and yoga and how profoundly it has changed their life. These practices are finally getting the acknowledgement they deserve and for good reason. I like to think of it as ‘plugging into the natural order of things’, which is beauty and abundance. When you are out and about, notice how much abundance there is (perfect example the explosive red of Pohutukawa that graces our city for about two weeks at this time of year). I first learned Transcendental Meditation in my early twenties, at a time when my life was pretty active. I worked as an actor during the day, performing environmental plays for school children, and as a waitress by night at a fine dining restaurant. It wasn’t so much the waitressing that was stressful, it was the associated ‘hospo’ life style; partying when most people were tucked up in bed. After a bout of glandular fever and literally indulging in my drama queen default too often, I sought out meditation. Needless to say, I managed to operate at a whole new level, and felt pretty clever that I had found a way to manage a physical career whilst getting very little sleep. It has been a big part of my life since then, but way more so in the last couple of months after I attended a refresher workshop. I had forgotten that meditating once a day only gives you 5% of the benefits. For me, that 5% was very beneficial, but it just pales in comparison to the benefits I am now experiencing doing it twice a day. Not only do I feel a constant experience of bliss (regardless of the stressful situations that constantly present themselves) but I am sorting out stuff that I have been tolerating for ages. I think most of us have ‘that drawer’, you know the one where spare buttons, pens and sunglasses are stored but is a complete mess? I cleared it out a few days ago. I have finally gotten around to getting my technology sorted (please note new email address!) and that’s just the beginning. For the first time ever, I have invested in a personal trainer to support me in the New Year. It’s not even like I am thinking about it; it just feels like I am hooking into the natural order of things. And even though I am a natural born worrier, I find that it’s not something I am spending much time doing any more, which really is the best benefit. There’s some cool science and people behind this! Like anything, search this on the web, and you will find the zealots and the sceptics. The brilliant director David Lynch has even set up a foundation to get more people meditating, and has some good research on his site. There have been over 600 scientific studies by researchers at more than 250 independent research institutions including Harvard, Stanford and Princeton and the news is particularly good around health, education and business. Of course there are countless other relaxation options which you can explore. Yoga is constantly increasing in popularity and smooth talking Andy has introduced mindfulness into the lives of over a million with his easy to use App called Headspace. Are you one of those people who keeps meaning to get around to introducing relaxation techniques, but don’t? I am going to sound like a breakfast foods commercial, but it is a great idea to try one of them for 21 days and see what kind of difference it makes to your life. The cool thing about practicing regularly is that life just becomes easier, more in flow, less dramatic and less anxious. At this time of year, I think that is even more relevant than ever – do yourself a favour and just try it!!! https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/12/3/are-you-are-kisser-hugger-hand-shaker-or-back-slapper-in-business monthly 0.5 2015-12-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1449129685863-42BBW5HC041N0B0P2C1Y/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Are you a kisser, hugger, hand shaker or back slapper in business?   Last night I attended a wonderful social evening, where a handful of business owners met up to discuss some cool spiritual stuff. We were having a pretty amazing conversation about intimacy in business, and what that actually looks like. Nothing inappropriate here (!), more about how connected we are to others in the business world. Personally, I think that the business world has come a long way in embracing connection, even in the last five years. The discussion last night was generally around being authentic and vulnerable with others. It ties in nicely with a conversation I had earlier in the day with the extraordinary Simone Ellen, whose spectacular Genius You program I am about to complete. We were working through the key brand proposition of my upcoming Academies, and agreed that through a potent mix of both personal and professional development, love and passion can be fully embraced in the role of the sales professional. It’s more heart and less hype, and truly exploring people’s authenticity, connection and vulnerability to celebrate sales as a caring, worthwhile career, and one to be proud of (watch this space, we are kicking off a total rebrand around this in the new year).   Often when we think of intimacy, it relates to touch, so it got me to thinking about that age old dilemma; how do you greet people in business?   Particularly those who you see regularly, say in a coaching scenario? Personally, I have found this quite a minefield in the past. I am sure many of you are like me, a hugger, but we cannot assume that everyone we meet is as well, and there can be that really awkward moment where you are going in for the hug, and they are going for the handshake, and it all just gets a bit mucky. Or what about when you meet a group of people at a networking event, and two or three are people you know, so you hug them, but handshake the others? I went to an International Coaching Federation session once, where the answer to this question was ‘let the other person decide’, but then that can result in a weird situation (say if both of you have heard that advice) where you are both hovering in front of each other, waiting for the other one to set the scene. Is it easier to ask for permission and simply say ‘can I give you a hug’? Sounds smart, but what if they are not a hugger? Are they going to say ‘no’? That could be even more embarrassing for both of you. Here's an article from Inc Magazine which provides some hints on when to and when not to hug. What about kissing? There are three types of kiss here, 1. The peck on cheek 2. The European inspired double or even triple kiss and 3. The ON THE MOUTH (or even that weird kind of half way on the mouth?) kiss! It surprises me how much more prevalent the latter has become recently (probably to be fair in more social than business situations), I do find myself on the mouth kissing far more (wonderfully special) friends, both male and female than previously. How do people who don’t like their personal space being invaded cope with that?! I think the basic rule is reserve kissing on the mouth for your partner, but doesn’t it really just come down to mutual consent (although it’s probably easier for everyone to avoid this one in general in business!)? Societal rules and etiquette are put in place for all sorts of reasons, and some certainly seem archaic these days. However, courtesy and respect for others is massively important, so I think the best way to approach this minefield is (1) take your cue from the other person (2) if you don’t want a hug (or mouth kiss!), step back and get your hand out to offer a shake as soon as you can and (3) trust your gut, don’t make a big deal out of it, and more often you will find the awkwardness is taken out of the situation. And as for those back slappers?! https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/11/26/sales-individuals-have-pasts-and-they-can-impact-performance monthly 0.5 2015-11-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1448507507623-OVGQZRJ9X0IB0Q1ZSIQO/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Sales individuals have pasts (and they can impact performance) https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/11/20/why-investment-in-training-yours-and-your-teams-is-often-not-worth-it monthly 0.5 2015-11-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1447995462257-EHXH3XN26M75LWZVXJCQ/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Why investment in training (yours and your team's) is often not worth it https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/11/12/do-you-buy-into-the-starving-creative-stereotype monthly 0.5 2015-11-12 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1447310477085-NVH0VZIE2FUMJG3MP375/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Do you buy into the 'starving creative' stereotype? https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/11/5/what-would-a-post-on-your-facebook-feed-look-like-three-years-into-the-future monthly 0.5 2015-11-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1446689666426-6JVUV6NHNDGZM062VOEG/image-asset.jpeg Blog - What would a post on your Facebook feed look like three years into the future? 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https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/9/14/case-study-of-a-life-by-design-jasmine-platt monthly 0.5 2015-09-14 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1442220464709-PUOI4PB7A9R9IUM3MCF9/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Case study of a life by design - Jasmine Platt https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/9/7/the-power-of-front-of-room-work monthly 0.5 2015-09-07 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1441605721075-U8JZ8HMVHKE7CRT8NXOL/image-asset.jpeg Blog - The power of 'front of room' work https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/8/28/boundaries-part-three-managing-your-commitments-when-you-are-unwell-and-lessons-learnt monthly 0.5 2015-08-28 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1440727663424-B0BDT5FMIPF0RH24OUAR/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Boundaries Part three - managing your commitments when you are unwell, and lessons learnt https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/8/20/boundaries-and-how-we-train-others-to-treat-us-1 monthly 0.5 2015-08-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1440060919599-NN279RC6KYMLGGFX8BCM/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Boundaries, and how we train others to treat us https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/8/13/are-your-personal-boundaries-in-or-out-and-quick-quiz monthly 0.5 2015-08-13 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1439425674589-XF1PCKVDGP9ZO7UKW203/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Are your personal boundaries in or out (and quick quiz) https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/8/6/getting-frank-about-filling-workshops-or-events monthly 0.5 2015-08-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1438822164886-PAIZV9JV6JJY4BMQWM2D/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Getting frank about filling workshops or events https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/7/30/my-birthday-gratitude-rant monthly 0.5 2015-07-30 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1438216601201-MQRW7KLA0CFHQJRF8F9O/image-asset.jpeg Blog - My birthday gratitude rant   There has been a lot of talk on gratitude lately, don't you think? Personally, I think it it one of the coolest things around, and one thing I now ask my clients to do way early on is to keep a gratitude journal, just somewhere to jot down some really cool things about that day, or the last few days if you aren't able to commit to daily entries. It is something that I truly believe makes a difference around creating more good stuff in your life! https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/7/23/why-its-normal-for-people-not-to-return-calls-or-respond-to-emails monthly 0.5 2015-07-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1437609887589-DBEYG4RHXN4OMWNK2WS6/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Why it's normal for people not to return calls (or respond to emails) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1437609929364-BQ6ITQYTL6ATPJXUJ7JP/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Why it's normal for people not to return calls (or respond to emails) https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/7/16/video-blog-why-expert-thinking-is-critical-in-todays-world monthly 0.5 2015-07-15 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1437002416551-OI8B0XLSLA7B3L17WQY4/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Video blog - why expert thinking is critical in today's world 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present - It's all about the spaces in between https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/4/21/do-you-take-time-to-savour-a-sales-conversation monthly 0.5 2015-04-21 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1429591454131-L1JR2BPDJ35JMYKB8JPR/red+wine+glass.jpg Blog - Do you take time to savour a sales conversation? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1429591320169-6LLUOKOHHWLG0SN8LKOD/image-asset.png Blog - Do you take time to savour a sales conversation? https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/4/9/do-you-play-the-comparison-game monthly 0.5 2015-04-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1428544100582-512ZMKVAC8ASK52KHS6Z/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Do you play the comparison game? https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/4/2/are-you-focusing-on-your-strengths-and-getting-supported-for-everything-else monthly 0.5 2015-04-02 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intriguing design experiment https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1421890626878-O6FDHA9071VG3S2QF68Q/image-asset.png Blog - Before and after pics; my intriguing design experiment https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1421890815431-LEYLPVSFJ8Z3K82ZU34F/image-asset.png Blog - Before and after pics; my intriguing design experiment https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1421890710675-AUDXLNGGO9K2REIDQ84K/image-asset.png Blog - Before and after pics; my intriguing design experiment https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/1/15/go-on-buy-a-piece-of-jewellery-to-honour-a-commitment monthly 0.5 2015-01-14 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1421279766733-E99NIBL69PUPRIO7XFHO/image-asset.jpeg Blog - Go on, buy a piece of jewellery to honour a commitment! https://www.laurelmclay.com/blog/2015/1/10/take-regular-holidays-and-feel-more-productive monthly 0.5 2015-01-09 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https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1430358249616-KQ7QHMUCXL24DEGNX0T2/image-asset.png Home   As seen on The Paul Henry Show (click here for videos) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1453778034186-DUYQLIIS3N6ZPJFXSK5K/image-asset.jpeg Home My first book, Lead Generation - 21st century strategies to ignite your success, is now available for purchase! It's all about mastering the essential skills of lead generation and never again having a shortage of prospects. Learn simple frameworks to amplify your pipeline and increase revenue. Not only will you feel increased confidence in your business, but you will significantly eliminate the time you spend worrying about your cashflow. $US20 per copy, please click here to purchase your copy! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1383785902952-UWN22Y8GQ5JGQ55DCH6Y/download.jpg Home https://www.laurelmclay.com/welcome-2 daily 0.75 2016-05-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1453778034186-DUYQLIIS3N6ZPJFXSK5K/image-asset.jpeg Home My first book, Lead Generation - 21st century strategies to ignite your success, is now available for purchase! It's all about mastering the essential skills of lead generation and never again having a shortage of prospects. Learn simple frameworks to amplify your pipeline and increase revenue. Not only will you feel increased confidence in your business, but you will significantly eliminate the time you spend worrying about your cashflow. $US20 per copy, please click here to purchase your copy! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1430358249616-KQ7QHMUCXL24DEGNX0T2/image-asset.png Home   As seen on The Paul Henry Show (click here for videos) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1383785902952-UWN22Y8GQ5JGQ55DCH6Y/download.jpg Home https://www.laurelmclay.com/leadership daily 0.75 2017-09-25 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1506359172843-S7Z7UUVNOCZ3EE96EXPE/My+Life%27s+Work+Snipped.PNG Leadership https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1464750748616-USS5HRVFCNH7AOFABMMI/image-asset.png Leadership https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1464649992871-5T132N9P0Q9QMWT96XZ6/image-asset.jpeg Leadership https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1464750962676-IG2IJGY66WYISHCHJ9AD/image-asset.png Leadership https://www.laurelmclay.com/case-study daily 0.75 2016-06-27 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1467064543913-UH4WURE7XRHX6VXK7EVS/image-asset.png Case study https://www.laurelmclay.com/breakfasts daily 0.75 2024-10-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/164149fe-ee24-4e22-aaea-490cedf0b754/keys.png Breakfast series - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/6bbad6b5-9ed1-4b73-a25b-7a220ceb91ce/chandelier.png Breakfast series - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.laurelmclay.com/new-page daily 0.75 2017-08-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1503436073016-TUEF9OBZYWY0H4Y83TCK/dr+seuss.jpg unapologeticworkshop https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1503439755975-6IJRKEPOO7IN92F3MTRR/wonderwoman.png unapologeticworkshop https://www.laurelmclay.com/unapologetic-women-in-stem daily 0.75 2017-11-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1506112642903-HUATXQ6SZHYTRCV5BMS2/bigstock-Headshot-Of-Regretful-Young-Mi-185241064.jpg unapologetic women in STEM https://www.laurelmclay.com/challengesq daily 0.75 2017-11-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1510002572399-45ORD4AVXHVMPRWWRYKL/Grace+Hopper+status+quo+pic.jpg challenge status quo https://www.laurelmclay.com/tmp daily 0.75 2021-07-12 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1625867629957-JK9MPJJNSQ55XEPG0T0H/Team+Management+Wheel.JPG TMP - Team Management Wheel The Profile gives you insights into how you prefer to work and how you are likely to interact with others in the workplace. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1625868015295-ITQOVFK1FP7S5ZJIHCYU/Leadership+behaviours.JPG TMP - Leadership Behaviours Model This recently refreshed full range leadership instrument provides feedback to the participant via a comprehensive leadership report. Results on eight factors of leadership effectiveness are presented, plus the subject’s level of accomplishment in emotional intelligence https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1625868022871-OPLKYANDFJ137U62XU9V/Emotional+social+intelligence.JPG TMP - Emotional and Social Intelligence The development of this framework recognises the growing awareness of the importance of both emotional and social intelligence in contributing to organisational and leadership effectiveness. Underpinning the Framework is a range of related criteria. These are intentions, emotions, skills and social factors that determine how well we know and master ourselves; understand our organisational, cultural, social and interpersonal context; and effectively function within the multiple layers of organisational life. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1625868034182-N62GPV0CDOY313F644QX/Strategic+intelligence.JPG TMP - Strategic Intelligence Due to the acknowledged importance of Strategy in the private and public sectors TMS has developed the Strategic Intelligence Model (SIM). The SIM seeks to develop an understanding of what constitutes Strategic Intelligence. The Model takes advantage of the current literature, research and strategic facilitation experience of TMS and identifies five key criteria which underpin Strategic Intelligence. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1625868044482-UPJ88M6Y7S7MSD98VQVZ/star+performing+teams.JPG TMP - Star Performing Team Emphasis is on a team’s ‘potential’. There is nothing inherently magical about a team that automatically leads to high or ‘star’ performance. However, research and conventional wisdom have pointed to certain characteristics and behaviours which can unlock that team potential. The profile reports back quantative and qualitative results that culminate in a thorough overview of the team successes and areas for improvement. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1625868177693-GL1U6PK00B9BM7744217/windows+on+work+values.JPG TMP - Windows on Work Values Values are concepts or beliefs which people use to guide their behaviour in the workplace. Values will drive our decision-making and cause us to summon up energy to preserve what we believe in. They go beyond specific situations and determine how we view people, behaviour and events. Often major sources of conflict and disillusionment are due to mismatched values. https://www.laurelmclay.com/tolerations-matrix daily 0.75 2021-07-12 https://www.laurelmclay.com/facilitation daily 0.75 2021-07-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1626574416677-U5OAQJ7S1XWN8BWGA71S/Academy+image+for+website.jpg Facilitation https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1626576224146-DTDG8LKKR6B4ZON8DLP1/book+cover+on+wood.jpg Facilitation https://www.laurelmclay.com/coaching daily 0.75 2021-07-21 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1626582795026-9WROG5DL4TK2TNHMNDQX/Coaching+infographic+final+is.png Coaching - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1626582948912-HWJWGXRCGJCCUUO7G99H/Coaching+infographic+final+is.png Coaching - Make it stand out Click on image to download infographic. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1626637126286-XY2SBYNOEUNB4DC0W1TE/coaching+roadmap.jpg Coaching - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.laurelmclay.com/transactional-competence daily 0.75 2023-09-13 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/22449ee1-3a34-417b-b205-de2634dd46ab/transaction+cycle+image.png Transactional Competence - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/32d6ad04-b389-4d6e-811f-818d14108993/Personality+Framwork+Image.png Transactional Competence - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/1848c52d-260a-4d74-a669-39168383ec50/PSTI+image.png Transactional Competence - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/158d4112-7c50-49a5-85a1-b36e10aa3309/Conditions+of+life+image.png Transactional Competence - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/06991f03-ae98-4b51-a240-928797d849b8/Thirteen+steps+Image.png Transactional Competence - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/3054f790-e680-499c-b3b8-be8b4076e01a/Stages+of+Professional+Influence.png Transactional Competence - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/62de0ecd-efb4-470e-8e6b-4a0facb07a4f/Ininity+Loops+image.png Transactional Competence - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/4d2198b4-b9e1-4953-9c52-aee3a090c6f5/Roadmap+image.png Transactional Competence - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.laurelmclay.com/highperformingteams daily 0.75 2025-03-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/12b66cbd-012e-4979-9827-4004f12127f4/Screenshot+2025-03-11+at+11.14.45%E2%80%AFAM.png High performing teams - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.laurelmclay.com/humanalchemy daily 0.75 2025-04-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/4ed70a70-28c3-4cf9-84de-2ae096329b95/Queenstown+image.jpeg Human Alchemy workshop - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.laurelmclay.com/shop daily 0.75 2013-06-04 https://static1.squarespace.com/static/51a56112e4b040da1a87c080/t/51a56cfce4b0b3ec204a76f4/1369795818645/ Product Offerings - Lead Generation for Experts